I have always been afraid of love. But how can that be? Love is such a beautiful thing. Love (of all types) is so beautiful. I’ll tell you why… because you can’t hide from it as hard as you try. If you do, it will cause you so much pain. Love is vulnerable and real.
Love is perhaps the most difficult thing to do, but it is the most beautiful and joyful thing you will ever experience.
Love is all around us. Once you see Love you cannot unsee it. I see love in my friends, nature, children, and in the elderly. Love transcends all things. It is not judgmental or quick to anger. It is peace and tranquility. Love is the beauty in the mundane and simplicity of life. Love is an emotion difficult to explain. However, when you feel love you just know. It just exists – accept it and receive it for what it is.
If you are afraid of Love, you are also afraid of God. It is difficult to believe that there is a God that loves you above all things and accepts you as you are (not as the person you wish to be)…but he is truly real and loves you so much more than you can ever begin to imagine.
My life lately has been a struggle of letting myself be loved by God. It is a daily struggle. When you have always lived hiding from the world God so lovingly created, stepping outside into the warmth of His creation feels uneasy and foreign. I sometimes feel like a baby horse stepping out of her mother’s womb. I am learning to walk again and it is a journey difficult to navigate. Sometimes I trip. I stumble. I fall back into old patterns. I retract. Sometimes I take a step forward, but become startled and take two steps back.
To others it comes so intuitively, but I am taking baby steps every day.
I’m learning that it’s okay and that I have to be as patient with myself as I am with others. I need to hold that space for myself. If I want to accept his Love, I need to love myself along the way.
I grieve the past versions of myself. I grieve the broken versions of myself that didn’t know how loved I am. I grieve the versions of Mariana that didn’t understand so many things and believed so many lies. I grieve versions of me that no longer exist, but I need to let go. And I am… it’s just a longer process that I ever expect.
Let yourself be loved. By doing so, you will learn to love better.
Con amor,
-Mariana 🌙
“The greatest love story of all time is contained in a tiny white Host”- Archbishop Fulton Sheen